Writing Your Groom’s Speech
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding- if you are reading this article then i’m guessing you are looking for a title bit of advice on writing & delivering your Groom’s speech/toast. As a wedding filmmaker, I have witnessed many beautiful weddings and have seen how a well-written groom’s speech can make the celebration even more memorable- not to mention how it can drastically change how I construct & build your wedding film. Your groom’s speech is an opportunity for you to express your love and gratitude towards your new spouse, acknowledge important people in your life, and share your excitement for the future, as well as providing me with a strong narrative in which to tell your story. After all, that is what you’ve booked me for!
In this article, I will provide you with some tips and ideas on how to write & deliver the perfect groom’s speech.
When should your speech be given?
It’s your day & ultimately you can decide- sometime breaking with tradition is a good thing, but if you want to keep things old school then the order should go Father of the Bride, Groom & then Best Man.
I am a huge advocate of doing speeches after your wedding breakfast, for several good reasons. Firstly, weddings i’ve filmed that do speeches before the wedding breakfast have no end point- that is to say that a couple of hours after dinner guests are still sat at tables & it always feels like the pace is lost from the day. By doing speeches at the end, everyone know that the wedding breakfast is concluded & they can head to the bar or the dance floor.
Secondly, it gives you more coverage from your day. If you do speeches before dinner I need to set up for that, meaning I have to take time out of another section of the day where I could be filming the action. Speeches after dinner gives me around 90 minutes to set up everything & any spare time I have willl then be spent flying the drone, setting up for the evening celebrations or scoping out the best locations for some golden hour photos.
Thirdly, it massively helps your venue staff & caterers if speeches are after dinner. Speeches nearly always overrun & you’ve paid a lot of money to feed your guests. So, when your speeches overrun its your food quality that suffers because the kitchen will have all the food ready for a certain time & the more delayed that is in being delivered to your guests tables, the lower the quality will be. I’ve seen hot starters or appetisers served cold because speeches ran over an hour later than they should have done, whereas this isn’t an issue after dinner.
Should you use a microphone?
The quick answer is yes. Even if you are a confident public speaker I would still always advise using a PA system & microphone. It allows you to speak normally & not have to project your voice, which can give you a more calming feeling whilst you’re delivering your speech. An added advantage is that it gives me a far better recording of your voice as I’ll attach one of my recorders to your microphone, so your film narrative will sound such better as well as every guest being able to hear you.
Should you have a dedicated microphone stand & position to deliver your speech?
This is totally venue dependant. Some venues have ample space to set up a microphone stand & a specific area all the speech givers walk to to conduct their speech, some venues don’t.
From a professional perspective, I truly believe that a separate space for your microphone placement & speech delivery is far, far better than just standing up where you were sat, but I can film either scenario as long as I know beforehand.
Ok, so now let’s look at some tips on actually writing your Groom’s speech
Step 1: Prepare and Plan
Before you start writing your speech, take some time to plan and prepare- sounds simple, right? You would be surprised how many speeches i’ve filmed where the Groom has decided to ‘wing it’ & 95% of the time it’s a one way ticket for a series of awkward pauses & slow claps.
Think about the tone and style of your speech- do you want to keep it formal or do you want to add some humor? Are you naturally quite a funny person or are you more reserved? I think one of the most important things to remember is to be yourself- trying to work in some funny anecdotes that aren’t really you will make you feel uncomfortable, which will affect your delivery. You don’t need to be funny, you just need to be you.
Consider the length of your speech & ensure that you don't speak for too long- typically for a Groom’s speech you should aim for somewhere around a 10 minute delivery. Also, think about who you want to acknowledge in your speech. You can include your parents, your in-laws, and your wedding party. You can also acknowledge any guests who have traveled from far away to attend your wedding. If you are struggling with the order in which to acknowledge people, simply work from right to left around the room. Finally, make sure to thank your bride for being your partner and for making your wedding day special- she should be your last acknowledgement in the speech & you should end by raiding a toast to her.
Step 2: Start Writing
Now that you have a plan, it's time to start writing your speech. Remember that your speech should come from the heart & be authentic. Don't worry about being the most eloquent speaker, your guests will appreciate your sincerity & remember, they all know you, so you don’t have to be anything you’re not. Be yourself & your guests will love what you have to say!
Here are some tips to help you get started:
Start with an opening line that grabs your audience's attention and sets the tone for your speech. For example, "Good evening everyone, I can't believe how lucky I am to be standing here today, marrying the love of my life."
Introduce yourself and thank everyone for being there to celebrate your special day- although everyone knows who you are, this gives you a few precious seconds to settle down after you stand up & prepare yourself.
Share a story or anecdote about how you met your bride & fell in love. This can be a great opportunity to add some humor to your speech!
Acknowledge your parents, in-laws, and wedding party. Share how important they are to you & thank them for their support. You don’t need to thank each individual member of the bridal party- this is something that can take a long time & can cause you to start losing the room, so an acknowledgement to ‘all of the bridesmaids’ is more than sufficient.
Express your gratitude towards your bride for being your partner and for making your wedding day special (remember, your new wife should be the last person you talk about!).
Share your excitement for the future and the adventures you will have together as a married couple.
Close with a heartfelt line, such as "I am so grateful for each and every one of you who have been a part of our journey, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us as a married couple."
Step 3: Writing Your Speech on Paper
As a professional filmmaker, I use lights to correctly light and expose the speeches during filming. However, this can be made harder by the light given off from a device such as a phone or tablet. To avoid casting light onto your face during filming, I recommend writing your speech onto paper instead of reading from a digital device. Besides from this, I cannot tell you the amount of times i’ve been filming speeches & it’s been a phone or tablet causing the speaker to have issues. Small fonts mean you hold the phone close to your face & block the guests from seeing you, or even worse it forces you to look down constantly. Accidentally scrolling too far will mean you lose your place & breaks your flow as you try to re-establish where you were. Very rarely do I film someone reading from a device & it looks good.
Writing your speech onto paper allows you to maintain eye contact with your audience, & ensures that your speech is well lit and filmed without any unwanted distractions. It also helps you to maintain your focus & avoid getting lost or distracted by notifications on your phone or tablet. Try to avoid in-house jokes or references, for example if there’s a story that happened between 3-4 of you but the rest of the guests have no idea what that story is, try to avoid telling it or dwelling on it, as the rest of the room will be left feeling awkward & confused.
Step 4: Practice Makes Perfect
Practice your speech several times before the big day. This will help you feel more comfortable and confident when delivering your speech & will help you pick up the rhythm or pace you need to speak at. Also, try to memorize the main points of your speech, but don't worry too much about memorizing it word-for-word. It can also be very helpful to annotate where you think there might be clapping, cheers etc so you know that you might need to wait for the room to die down until you continue. As an example, if you use the line ‘On behalf of my new wife & I’ at the start of your speech, it will be met by a huge cheer & round of applause (almost guaranteed!), so you can annotate on your speech ‘potential cheer/applause’ for that moment.
Practice in front of a mirror, or even better, in front of a trusted friend or family member. This will help you receive feedback and make any necessary adjustments. This will also iron out any comments, moments, phrases or stories that either don’t work, or potentially aren’t as funny or heartfelt as you intended them to be.
Step 5: Delivering Your Speech
When it's time to deliver your speech, try to relax and be yourself (I know, I know, sometimes easier said than done!). Remember that your guests are there to celebrate with you and are excited to hear what you have to say- they wouldn’t be there if they didn’t love & support you both.
Start by introducing yourself and thanking your guests for being there to celebrate your special day. Then, move on to the main points of your speech. Speak clearly and slowly, and try to maintain eye contact with your audience. If you feel nervous, take a deep breath & pause for a moment before continuing. You can also take a sip of water (or beer!) to help calm your nerves.
Remember to smile and enjoy the moment. Your wedding day is a celebration of your love, & your speech is an opportunity to express that love to your partner and those who have supported you along the way.
Step 6: Adding Personal Touches
To make your speech even more special, consider adding personal touches that reflect your relationship with your bride. You can include shared memories or personal stories that show the unique bond between you and your partner- telling the story of how you first met, your first date or first holiday are normally a great idea.
You can also include quotes, poems, or song lyrics that have special meaning to you and your bride. These personal touches will make your speech more heartfelt and memorable for you and your guests (& selfishly give me amazing narrative for your wedding film!).
Step 7: Don’t Give Out Gifts Mid-Speech
You may have gifts to give out to people- mums, bridesmaids, flower girls etc. Gift giving mid-speech will break your flow & always takes longer than you think. You can acknowledge in your speech that you have gifts for that particular person but wait until afterwards to present those gifts. This also means you can have a more intimate & heartfelt one-to-one with those people!
Step 8: Closing Your Speech
As you come to the end of your speech, it's important to close with a heartfelt message to your partner that leaves a lasting impression on your audience. Your final sentence should be a toast to your wife & it’s normally tradition that you ask everyone to be upstanding for this toast (for any other toasts you give it is ok to leave the guests sat down). Raise your glass and invite your guests to join you in celebrating your love & the start of your new life together!
In Conclusion
Writing and delivering the perfect groom's speech can be a daunting task but with these tips and ideas, you can create a heartfelt & memorable speech that will be cherished by you and your guests for years to come. Remember to plan & prepare, start writing from the heart, practice your delivery, and add personal touches that reflect your unique relationship. No one has your story, so lean into that & don't forget to enjoy the moment and celebrate the love that has brought you and your partner together on this special day.